Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
