You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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