and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
