She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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