we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
