I want to walk on stilts...naked
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
