I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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