i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
