i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
