I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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