I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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