Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
