Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
