Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
