Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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