i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Oh god it's open bar.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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