i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
