some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
