I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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