I just gift wrapped bread.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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