life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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