every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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