We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
