Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
