Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He passed out mid-signature
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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