I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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