Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
