You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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