Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
