I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
