HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
