He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
