Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
