Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
