respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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