Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
