I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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