Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
