I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
