He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
