forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
