I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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