Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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