I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
