so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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