i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
