they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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