At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
