The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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