Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
