yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
