Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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