mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
