He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
