I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
